Requiem Mass for Boomer Liturgy:
Pope Leo XIV Just Announced the End of the Guitar-Mass Regime
Somewhere in a fluorescent-lit parish hall, a polyester felt banner just fluttered for the last time. A guitar string snapped in sympathetic grief. A stack of “Gather Us In” hymnals trembled, sensing their days are numbered. And why?
Because Pope Leo XIV — yes, the actual Pope — just stepped up to a microphone and, without naming names, announced the End of the Age of Boomer Liturgical Tyranny. And make no mistake, we reverent types are ready…
According to the Catholic Herald, the Holy Father called for a “renewed reverence and beauty” in the Church’s liturgy, urging a return to the “solemn sobriety typical of the Roman tradition.”
Translation:
Boomers, your reign of terror is over. Start your mourning novena.
The Boomer Apocalypse: A Retrospective
For sixty years, boomer liturgists assured us that reverence was “rigid,” Latin was “exclusive,” incense was “triggering,” kneeling was “unpastoral,” and anything older than 1972 was “unrelatable.”
So they unleashed:
The Guitar Mass
The Bongo Mass
The “Let Us Ad-Lib the Penitential Rite” Mass
The “God is Great — ALL THE TIME” Mass
The “Clap, Clap, Clap, Jesus Is Our Buddy” Mass
The “Please Welcome the Liturgical Dancers in Bare Feet” Mass
And worst of all…
THE FELT BANNER ERA.
Like medieval heraldry, but created by people who had never once met Beauty and wouldn’t recognize Aesthetics if they wandered into the sanctuary with a name tag.
It was liturgical iconoclasm disguised as pastoral care.
But now the shepherd of Rome has risen and declared:
Enough.
Boomers, No One Is Saying You Failed…
But You Absolutely, Spectacularly Failed**
You tried to be “relevant,” but you accidentally created a Mass that looked like a failed youth retreat trapped in 1986.
You said the old ways were “outdated,” then spent your career chasing trends already stale by the time you implemented them.
You introduced Marty Haugen and Dan Schutte into the liturgy the way an untreated infection enters a bloodstream — quietly, painlessly, then devastatingly.
You replaced chants dating back to Gregory the Great with songs that sound like rejected B-sides from a Christian coffeehouse open mic night.
And now?
Now the Pope himself has called for beauty — the very thing you replaced with foam-core banners and a 12-string Yamaha.
Boomers, this is awkward.
The Felt Banner Regime Meets Its Benedict-Style Ending
Pope Leo XIV didn’t say:
“Let’s add more tambourines.”
He didn’t say:
“We need more spontaneity and fewer rubrics.”
He certainly didn’t say:
“Let’s return to the liturgical anthropology of 1978.”
He said the liturgy should avoid “worldly criteria” and “immediate results” and instead reflect “the simple beauty of the Roman Rite.”
That sound you hear?
The faint wailing from parish basements across America?
It’s the Liturgical Committee Moms realizing the era of fabric stores, stencils, and glue guns is ending.
No more “Seasonal Liturgical Installation Art.”
No more banners shaped like doves that look suspiciously like bloated chickens.
No more tables decorated like it’s Vacation Bible School for adults.
Rejoice, people of God.
Beauty is taking back the sanctuary.
Guitars? Drums? Projection Screens?
Pack Them Away. The Pope Has Spoken
When the Successor of Peter calls for reverence and solemnity, the message is clear:
—The sanctuary is not your living room.
—The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is not amateur hour.
—Worship is not a jam session.
That means:
No more “Our God Is an Awesome God” during the Offertory.
No more “Shine, Jesus, Shine” while Father retrieves the ciborium.
No more “Rain Down” spiritualized folk renditions.
Boomer liturgists are now left clutching their guitars like emotional support animals as the tide of actual Catholicism rolls back in.
A Glorious Future: The Return of Actual Liturgy
Here’s what’s coming — and oh, what a sight it will be:
Gregorian chant echoing like the walls remember who they belong to.
Vestments that aren’t made from drapery samples.
Sanctuaries no longer resembling multipurpose stages.
Silence — that scandalous, sacred thing modern liturgy activists fear.
Kneeling like Catholics, not like we’re waiting for our turn at a community potluck.
Boomers had their moment.
But the torch is passing — finally — to a generation that actually believes in God, not just “community.”
Boomers, Please Exit the Sanctuary in a Calm and Orderly Fashion
You had your fun.
You had your fabric stores.
You had your beige carpet and your taupe walls and your “liturgical environments” designed by people with a Pinterest account and a dream.
But now the Pope has pulled the emergency brake.
Reverence is returning.
Beauty is returning.
Catholicism is returning.
So please collect your:
felt banners
hymnals from the 70s
guitars
hand-holding instructions
and every printed copy of “Gather Us In”
…and gently, reverently, solemnly…
step aside.
We Catholics have a Church to rebuild.