I’m “Spiritual” but not Religious. I just try to be a “good” person…
I met him at a backyard barbecue.
He had a craft beer in one hand, a vague smile on his face, and absolutely no idea what he believed.
“I’m not religious,” he said, nodding solemnly, like a monk who had renounced truth for kombucha.
“I just try to be a good person.”
There it was.
The Nicene Creed of Modern Man.
No altar.
No sacrifice.
No repentance.
Just good vibes and a strong aversion to being told “no.”
We’ve all met this same person in line at a coffee shop— you know, the kind with chalkboard menus and moral superiority baked into the muffins.
They’ll order an oat-milk something-or-other and smile the way people smile when they believe they have transcended dogma.
“I’m spiritual but not religious,” they’ll say, unprompted.
And, then they follow it with the mantra above:
“I just try to be a good person.”
And now begins our Morality play in a few Acts…
Act I: The Gospel according to Nice
Naturally, I made the unforgivable mistake.
“What do you mean by good?” I inquired.
He blinked.
“Well, you know… kind. Accepting. Non-judgmental.”
Ah yes.
The three theological virtues: niceness, affirmation, and silence.
I asked him if rejecting immoral acts might still be loving if they harmed the person committing them.
He recoiled like I’d suggested eating toddlers with a side of kittens.
“That’s intolerant,” he said.
“Jesus wouldn’t judge.”
Interesting, considering Jesus spent an impressive amount of time judging—often publicly, often harshly, and usually toward people who were very confident they were good people.
But never mind Scripture.
We were dealing with a higher authority now.
The World.…
Act II: Enter The Three Judges (Now Fully Unmasked)
Here’s the part no “good person” ever seems to notice:
Every moral claim requires a judge.
And there are only three.
Judge #1: The World
Good = socially approved
Evil = makes someone uncomfortable
Truth = whatever HR emailed this morning
This judge changes its mind every fifteen minutes and retroactively condemns you for agreeing with it last year.
The Catechism is pretty blunt about this little arrangement:
“The world… is in a state of alienation from God.” (CCC 409)
Translation:
The world is not confused occasionally.
It is confused structurally.
Judge #2: The Self
This is the “spiritual but not religious” option.
Here, morality is decided by:
Feelings
Authenticity
Whatever helps you sleep at night
St. Thomas Aquinas, with medieval politeness, calls this nonsense.
He explains that reason and will are wounded by sin, inclined toward apparent goods rather than true ones¹.
Modern translation:
You are terrible at judging yourself.
If sincerity were sufficient, no villain in history would ever exist. I think the world can accept that Adolf Hitler was quite sincere in his belief in his own righteousness.
Everyone feels justified—right up until the gallows.
Judge #3: Reality (God)
This is the judge nobody wants because He refuses to attend focus groups.
Here, good means:
What perfects human nature
What leads to man’s proper end
What corresponds to how reality actually works
This is natural law, which Aquinas defines as participation in the eternal law².
Meaning:
Good is not invented.
It is discovered.
And suddenly the “good person” looks nervous.
Act III: Remember Ms. “Spiritual but not Religious” at the Coffee Shop?
“I’m spiritual but not religious,” she declared.
Of course you are.
You want:
Transcendence without authority
Forgiveness without confession
Meaning without obedience
Pope Benedict XVI warned us precisely about this—religion reduced to therapy, spirituality stripped of truth³.
It is not faith.
It is emotional self-care with incense.
No commandments.
No cross.
Just the soothing assurance that you’re everything you do is ok so long as you approve…
Act IV: A Bratwurst and a question…
Back at the BBQ with a Bratwurst in hand, I asked the question that ends every version of this conversation:
“If ‘good’ has no objective definition… how do you know you’re it?”
Silence.
Because here’s the problem no one escapes:
If there is no standard, there is no virtue.
The Catechism states clearly:
“Conscience must be informed and moral judgment enlightened.” (CCC 1783)
Otherwise, conscience is just your desires wearing a clerical collar.
Act V: Why the Church Is the Villain in Every Netflix Show
The Catholic Church ruins everything by doing the unthinkable:
She defines terms.
She says:
Love wills the good of the other⁴
Sin disorders the person⁵
Desire does not define identity⁶
And worst of all:
She claims Christ—not culture, not feelings—is the standard.
Which is why the Church is intolerable to the “good person” religion.
Because “good person” necessitates ambiguity.
Catholicism requires conversion.
Further, the Church commits the ultimate cultural sin:
She refuses to flatter you.
She says:
Some acts are intrinsically evil (CCC 1756)
Conscience must be formed, not merely followed (CCC 1783–1785)
Desire does not define identity (CCC 2337–2359)
And worst of all:
She refuses to let you declare yourself good.
She demands repentance instead.
Which is why the “good person” and “spiritual but not religious” types despise her.
Repentance requires admitting you’re not fine.
Act VI: Let’s just clear this up. Niceness is not a virtue and Don’t Judge is not the 11th Commandment…
—On Nice as a virtue
I think it is high time we deal with “nice”:
Niceness is not a virtue.
Niceness is:
Avoiding discomfort
Avoiding conflict
Avoiding Truth when it might cost you social capital
Virtue, on the other hand, is:
Ordering your actions to the true good
Even when it costs you
Especially when it costs you
Niceness exists to keep dinner parties running smoothly.
Virtue exists to save souls.
The Catechism never once commands you to be nice. It commands you to be holy (CCC 2013).
“Nice” and “Holy” are not synonyms.
“Don’t Judge” — The Commandment Jesus Never Gave
Backyard BBQ “good person” leaned in now nibbling on his burger...
“Jesus said not to judge.”
This is always said by people who judge constantly—just never about anything that matters.
They judge:
Your tone
Your vocabulary
Your “energy”
Your failure to affirm
They just don’t judge sin, because that would be mean.
Christ, meanwhile:
Called people whitewashed tombs
Told entire cities they’d fare worse than Sodom
Publicly exposed moral hypocrisy
And warned more about hell than anyone else in Scripture
But yes—tell me more about how He just wanted us all to be nice.
Act VII: The exciting conclusion…
“I’m just a good person” is not humility.
It is the prideful refusal to kneel.
It is a narcissistic religion designed to ensure:
No one is wrong
No one repents
No one changes
No one is saved
Catholicism is harder—and honest:
It names sin
It defines good
It wounds to heal
It offers grace
Niceness offers reassurance and affirmation.
And affirmative reassurance without Truth is not kindness or charity.
It is abandonment dressed as compassion.
Niceness is the virtue of those who want heaven without holiness.
Yet, goodness is the property of God alone.
And unless you receive it— through Truth, obedience, and grace—
you are not a “good person.”
You are just very comfortable in your pride...
Endnotes
St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologiae I–II, q. 85, a. 3 (on the wounds of sin).
Summa Theologiae I–II, q. 91, a. 2 (on natural law).
CCC 1766; cf. Aquinas, ST I–II, q. 26, a. 4.
CCC 1756 (intrinsically evil acts).
CCC 1783–1785 (formation of conscience).
CCC 2337–2359 (chastity and human sexuality).