Hey Men. Stop Blaming Eve for your Failure…
Let’s begin where all modern heresies do: a man refusing to do his job.
In the beginning, God created man and gave him a garden, a mission, and a wife. He gave him dominion, priesthood, strength, the divine call to lead, protect, and provide.
Adam's response?
He sat there like a soy-soaked beta sipping garden-pressed kale juice while a talking snake gaslit his wife—and then blamed her when it all went south.
Congratulations, Adam. You’re the prototype for 21st-century husbands who let their wives get discipled by Instagram therapists while they hide behind Xbox controllers and emotional unavailability.
Protestants: The Original Blame-Eve Movement™
Let’s address the garden-sized elephant in the room: for the last 500 years or so—ever since Martin Luther stapled his doctrinal Yelp review to a cathedral door—Protestants have made a cottage industry out of blaming women for every problem under the sun. Original sin? Eve. Bad weather? Eve. Your toddler can’t find his left shoe? Definitely Eve.
And we Catholics—those of us who still read the Catechism instead of TikTok comment sections—have had enough.
Let’s start with the facts. Genesis 3:6 (yes, even in your Protestant Bibles) says:
“And she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave to her husband who was with her, and he did eat.”
Wait for it...
“WHO WAS WITH HER.”
Yes, Adam was right there—probably sipping kombucha like a modern suburban husband watching his wife get accosted by a snake and thinking, “This should be fine.”
So before the Puritanical finger-pointing crowd blames Eve for the downfall of mankind, let’s consider that the first man was literally standing next to his wife while Satan spat blasphemy in her face, and instead of protecting her, he chose passive complicity. Adam: the original beta male.
If Adam had a manbun, skinny jeans, and a megachurch stage with a fog machine, this is the part where he’d tell you that God “just wants to vibe with you where you’re at, bro.”
Pope St. Pius X: Stop Being Weak
The great Pope St. Pius X, in Pascendi Dominici Gregis, warned us about Modernism eroding masculinity. He would’ve rolled his eyes into the beatific vision if he saw “male leaders” in skinny jeans preaching that Eve was a temptress while letting Adam off the hook like a golden retriever that chewed the sofa.
Newsflash: Real men don’t hide behind their wives’ skirts—real men own their responsibility. Adam failed as priest, prophet, and king—roles every man is called to fulfill. Instead of confronting the devil, he let his bride take the fall and then had the audacity to blame God:
“The woman whom You gave to be with me…” (Genesis 3:12)
Translation: “God, this is YOUR fault. And hers. Definitely not mine.”
Ah yes, the original spiritual abdication. We’ve come full circle—now modern husbands do the same thing when their wives get hooked on crystal therapy and Enneagram cults.
Fathers, Husbands, and Single Men: Stop Being Spiritual Freeloaders
Single men—this is for you. You’re not “finding yourself.” You’re avoiding responsibility by dating your Xbox and bingeing Andrew Tate while calling it “red-pilled.” If you can quote every stat from the NFL draft but haven’t cracked open your Bible, you are not preparing to be a husband—you’re preparing to be a cautionary tale.
Husbands—you are not the assistant to the spiritual regional manager. You are the priest of the home. If your wife is more familiar with enneagrams than encyclicals, that’s your fault. If you’ve never led your family in prayer but can recite your fantasy football lineup by heart, congratulations: you’re spiritually unemployed.
Fathers—your daughter is not a “strong, independent woman” if you’ve never told her she’s worthy of love without a filter and a thirst trap. You didn’t teach her modesty. You didn’t affirm her dignity. But you sure taught her how to make “content.” And now she’s doing cosplay on the internet for guys named Chad who live in their mom’s basement.
—She needed a protector, and you handed her an iPhone.
—She needed leadership, and you gave her a TikTok and a “You do you, sweetheart.”
-She needed provision, and you outsourced fatherhood to a guidance counselor named Mr. Jeff who uses they/them pronouns and thinks Catholicism is “problematic.”
Felt Banner Bishops and the Gospel of IRRELEVANCE™
While Protestant megachurches are busy giving sermons titled “Hot Girl Summer for Jesus”, the Catholic world isn’t far behind. Enter the Felt Banner Fueled Boomer Bishop™—the kind of guy who thinks “radical inclusion” is a sacrament and who cancels Latin Masses because Gregorian chant gives him indigestion.
This is the bishop who hasn’t mentioned Hell since 1972, but will die on the hill of eco-theology and synodality. He’s the guy who lets Sister Peg give homilies during the “Dialogue of Welcome” and thinks “Eucharistic coherence” is just too judgmental.
Under his leadership, you can count on three things:
—A homily about being nice,
—A guitar version of Gather Us In,
—And a liturgical dance that looks like an interpretive protest against reverence.
-And let’s not forget the boomer men running the liturgy committee—Bob, Larry, and Ron—three retired insurance adjusters who wear rainbow stoles over their Tommy Bahama shirts and call you divisive for kneeling during the Agnus Dei.
“Cool Pastors” and the Cult of Lattes and Lycra
Then we have the megachurch manfluencer™, your average ex-Baptist, postmodern, manbun pastor with a nose ring, a denim jacket, and the complete inability to make eye contact with the Cross.
His theology is a smoothie of “God just wants your heart,” “don’t judge,” and “get in community.” His sacraments include coffee, affirmations, and a Spotify playlist titled “Jesus Is My Boyfriend”.
When you walk into his church, you’re greeted by LED lights, trap beats, and an aromatherapy diffuser. The “sermon” is a TED Talk about vulnerability and “getting closer to God”—whatever that means.
You want a Eucharist? Sorry, we only have gluten-free unity crackers and a video montage of last week’s Jesus Yoga & Brunch.
A Real Man Crushes Serpents
Contrast this with Jesus Christ—the New Adam.
When He saw His Bride under attack, He didn’t sit down. He stood up. When He saw sin devouring her, He didn’t say, “That’s between her and God.” He picked up a cross and went to war.
Jesus didn’t vibe. He bled.
-That’s what real headship looks like.
-That’s what fatherhood means.
-That’s what Adam failed to do.
And if you, modern man, want to avoid repeating his failure, here’s your job description:
—Lead her in truth, not vibes.
—Protect her from snakes—real and digital.
—Provide her with faith, formation, and a path to heaven.
—If your daughter becomes a nun, it should be because she fell in love with Jesus—not because she was traumatized by a porn-addicted absentee dad.
Enough Excuses. Man Up or Shut Up.
-No more blaming Eve.
-No more “my wife’s the religious one.”
-No more “spiritual but not religious.”
-No more latte-fueled, manbun sermons about “journeys” and “seasons” and “your truth.”
Lead. Protect. Provide.
Or stop calling yourself a man.
Because God didn’t give you a rib to blame.
He gave you a woman to love—and a garden to guard.
You failed. She fell. And now the world burns.
Final Word:
Men, reclaim your spine.
Pastors, preach like Hell exists.
Bishops, throw out the felt and pick up the Cross.
Fathers, love your wives and guard your daughters like they’re the Tabernacle.
Because they are.
Amen.